WHAT’S A WOMAN TO DO?

So, how does a woman convey vocal power and passion when she wants to be heard?  I have a few suggestions and it starts with taking volume off the table. Imagine you are a blank slate, like this female right here and you get to fill her in the way you would like to create the impression you want. Let’s pretend that in order to be heard, you are unable to raise your voice- volume is not an option- what are your choices?  Here in no particular order are options to consider.

Emphasis             Inflection            Enunciation              Pacing              Facial Expressions         

The factor that all five of these characteristics have in common is AWARENESS.  How would you judge your performance in these areas?  Let’s start with Enunciation and Pacing.  Literally, do people understand you?  (I always think of Chris Tucker yelling at Jackie Chan in RUSH HOUR, “Can you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”)   It’s not a bad idea to pretend that someone speaks a foreign language if it prompts you to hit your consonants and slow down.  Conversing in the business world means having an awareness of how you want to be perceived and speeding through your thoughts with only soft consonants and commas sprinkled  throughout can leave people scratching their heads. 

Inflection.  Does everything sound like a question? Like, you know what I mean?  Or are you hitting the right tone and stressing the important thoughts? Pay attention to inflecting upward at the ends of sentences or even being too sing-songy in an effort to make something sound important.  

I can’t stress enough, the importance of having your physical dynamics, most importantly facial expressions (but let’s not forget body language and gestures!) match the emotional tone of the message.  Smiling too broadly, tilting your head, shifting your body weight from side to side are small but significant signals that discount the messenger.

The very basis of my coaching philosophy is to empower my clients to think for themselves, make choices, experiment, try it out and decide: does this work for me?  While I am often put in the position of offering suggestions: “try this, try that,” I believe changes with the greatest impact come when the speaker decides for him or herself.  It starts with awareness. How do you sound? 

WOMEN AND VOCAL AUTHORITY

 After blogging about Vocal Fry, I had a few requests to write about the role of the voice in a women's desire to be taken seriously.  Being that I am a HUGE proponent of how you say something being more impactful than what you say, it starts with the voice.   My female clients consistently approach me with a familiar challenge: how to sound authoritative and powerful, without coming off like a ‘you-know-what.’ 

I’m going to speak in some generalities here, so let me say right off the bat I don’t mean to say that ALL men do this and ALL women do that.  But I have seen consistent behaviors in both sexes.  Today let’s look at VOLUME.

            Whether working shoulder to shoulder with men or not, women often make the mistake of “competing” – especially vocally.  And most often they will lose.     

The male voice may naturally deepen or resonate with added volume.  On the other hand, women who push vocally most likely pitch higher.  They may sound shrill and screechy.  This has to do with the amount of air being pushed through the throat and vocal coaching may be necessary to learn techniques for maintaining consistent pitch, while adding power.  Just take my word for it: volume is not always a girl’s best friend.    

The best illustration I can offer are news anchors.  I have coached in the broadcast industry for 15 years.  The idea is to sound conversational, warm, and approachable, yet, even while wearing highly sensitive microphones, anchors tend to throw their vocal energy to the camera, which may be anywhere from 12 - 30 feet away, depending on the shot.  The Viewer perception is more like 3 - 7 feet.  It definitely requires a certain mind set to keep the voice conversational regardless of camera distance.  Those microphones are capable of picking up whispers, but one of the biggest challenges, for men and women, is finding power through other means, besides volume. 

Typically men speak louder than women.  Period.  This is not necessarily true for me as I have been told my voice can be heard two New York avenues away.  Ahem!  But it is challenging to sit next to a booming male voice, night after night and NOT want to compete or imitate.  This does not happen only with Anchors.  Women in corporate board rooms all over the country may feel like screaming, believing they must yell to be heard, but in truth, very different techniques should be employed for channeling the power within. 

I'll be back next week. Stay tuned for more on women and vocal power.  

Vocal Fry 2

When last we met, my topic was “Vocal Fry” - that low energy, guttural sound that resembles the puttering emitted by a dying lawn mower.  I’ve heard it for years, but ever since reading that this phenomenon, craze, habit, whatever you want to call it has a name, I’ve become hyper aware of its prevalence in young women AND men. I was standing in a movie line recently and heard what I thought was four young women behind me, who to my surprise, turned out to be male!  What was really disheartening was how interchangeable the “personalities” were.  I found it difficult to distinguish one from the other. Nor did I detect much enthusiasm, although the topic was fairly interesting. 

            Individuality, especially in young people, has always seemed like a badge of honor: to stand apart from our families, have a voice, a presence, be heard… all the while, balanced with a desire to fit in and belong with one’s own age and social group.  I think of high school and how we struggle to fit in.  It is simply human nature to want a sense of community- to belong.  In my coaching work, I find that everyone wants to believe that he or she is seen and heard- recognized for who they are or what they have to offer. 

            This desire gets muddied when the voice sounds blasé and wimpy… weak.  I am a broken record when it comes to Intention.  What is the intention behind the words?  What do you really hope to accomplish?  What is the message behind the message? 

            Vocal Fry destroys more than vocal cords.  It diminishes the intention, muddies the message and confuses the listener.  I found myself thinking as I listened in on the movie line conversation, “Do you really believe what you are saying?”  It sounded like something being regurgitated in more ways than one.  

Vocal Fry fries more than your vocal cords

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTLdXj0aAg

It is less than gratifying to know that a vocal challenge I have noticed for years has now become a full blown “trend.”  If you haven’t seen the “Vocal Fry” report by Faith Salie (a PBS host, sometime actress and contributor to CBS Sunday Morning) please click on the YouTube link.  You might have read about this “trend” in the New York Times or seen it discussed on television morning shows. Google “Vocal Fry” and you can zip through over 6 million hits.  Google “vocal fry celebrities” and names like Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry and Britney Spears pop up.  And like, uh, if you don’t know what vocal fry IS, then stay tuned. 

Briefly, Vocal Fry is a particular style of speaking, heard mostly in young women- very little air supports the sound - so that the voice has a puttering or rattling sound like a dying lawn mower (my description).  It can even lead to vocal cord damage.  I first came across this occasionally in the late 1990's, when working with broadcast news anchors, but in the past few years, I’ve noticed a definite upturn in the number of women with this particular challenge.  Now it seems that it may not be a challenge at all, but the result of simple mimicry.  I mean, if a multi-millionaire celebrity does it, it must be right.  Right? 

The tendency to imitate what one is exposed to is profound, especially when the exposure is frequent and from multiple sources.  Add that some of these sources are popular celebrities and stir in the internet and super phones and you have an epidemic.  The “Valley Girl” sound, more recently known as “Up Talk,” took decades to take hold.  While it is now firmly entrenched in women of all age groups, (yes, and some young men) it still gets a bit of a bad rap, as offenders sound unsure or you know, like confused?

The reviews of Vocal Fry (who knew it had a name?) are mixed, but some researchers say the Fry is being associated with “educated, urban oriented, and upwardly mobile” young women. 

This is disheartening news for someone who coaches women still working to find their voice in the business world.  Young women seeking credibility and authority should not fall prey to mindless imitation in hopes of sounding cool.  In my opinion the Vocal Fry sound suggests a nonchalant, apathetic attitude and is not particularly pleasing or compelling.  There are ways to sound dynamic, interesting, and interested, and isn’t that a better objective?  I will explore vocal dynamics for women in future blogs but in the meantime, beware of the Fry!

The Sound of Silence

Last week, my computer crashed. Luckily, I have a great computer guy (thanks Nick) who keeps me calm because he's so darn low key, I sometimes wonder what would get his blood boiling.  Watching Nick is a little like watching the flight attendant during a rough patch. If he or she is calm it must be OK.  I've only seen the flight attendants act a little nervous once and it was a pretty scary half an hour.  I once sat by an off-duty pilot who was returning home and we chatted briefly- nice guy.  In the last half of our flight we flew through quite a storm and more than once I gripped his arm and nearly ground my new veneers to the width of a dime. But he appeared calm and cool, which assured me greatly that all was well.

I was reminded of my recent experience of working with a client for weeks on a big presentation. She asked if I would sit in the front row so she could look out and quickly see me.  As if I could telepathically send her any last minute instructions! But I realized I could.  Simply being mindful of my own demeanor could reassure or distract my client.  I sat openly without any foot swinging or toe tapping. My hands were loose and free and I made sure my face was bright, alert and smiling.

I have no idea how many times she looked at me- if ever.  But I was sure of my message: "You're doing great." And indeed, she did. However sure I felt FOR her, I knew that she was nervous.  I was with her every step of the way, jumping those hurdles with my entire being. My insides were screaming- Go! But my exterior was a vision of calm.

Perhaps Nick the computer genius screams inwardly as well, hoping all is not lost. (No, thanks to Crashplan we have a back-up) And was that pilot silently sending love notes to his family who he feared he would never see again?  Come to find out, he just wished he were flying the plane. He admitted to me as we deplaned that it was harder sitting there as a passenger than in the cockpit.  I understood completely.  It is harder to sit in the audience and watch than it is to perform.  But I play the part and send my message loud and clear.  How about you? We all send silent messages and knowing what that message is, says it all.

HOWDY, PARTNER!

     I just returned from a job in Dallas, TX - where I lived and worked for almost 20 years.  It's strange and wonderful returning to the "scene of the crime," and I mean literally. Not the crime part, but the place where I moved to became a professional actress.  I was working at the beautiful Hilton Anatole Hotel, which if you haven't been there, make plans.  (Ask for Lola in the Spa- she gives one heck of a massage!) I spent many hours at the Anatole throughout the 80s and into the 2000s singing and acting in various projects and venues.
     I made one of my first professional appearances at the Anatole in 1982 or '83 singing in a 40s Big Band style act for Sunday Brunches.  I made my last appearance there up on the 27th floor of the Tower, which is now a wonderful restaurant called "Ser," but in the early 2000s, was still the Nana Grill.  It was years after my official retirement from show business- my niece's high school graduation party and the hotel was having a slow Memorial Day weekend.  We were able to take a group of well-behaved high school graduates up to hear the combo play and my sister asked the band leader if I could sing, promising, "don't worry, she's really good."  I wonder how many times band leaders hear THAT in a bar!?  I wound up singing several songs much to my niece's delight. I had hesitated for fear of embarrassing her- but I saw her face and knew that she knew me too. And she liked what she saw.
     That was my last performance in Dallas. I moved to New York shortly after and now coach and work with clients in a variety of ways.  Like this conference in Dallas.  I coached several of the speakers, but on short notice arranged some entertainment with the help of my old pal, Sparky Sparks www.sparksagency.com, for one of the their meetings. And may I say if you are ever in need of a longhorn steer, line dancers or a racing armadillo, Sparky is your man.
     Everywhere I looked last week opened another memory compartment. We ate breakfast in the ballroom where I did several Sophie Tucker shows for Incredible Productions. I worked in the Stemmons Ballroom, where I had been part of one of the first star-studded AIDS benefits back in the 80s. I was NOT one of the stars but I rubbed elbows with Carol Channing, Barbara Cook, Angela Lansbury and others who came to give their time and share their talents to raise awareness and money for a relatively new and scary disease.
    One morning as I raced across the Atrium I thought about meeting Melissa Manchester in her hotel room to help her with her hair (long story!).  She had vaporizers going full blast and the heat turned up in a town that hardly needs any help in the humidity department. I sweated so much she probably thought I had a glandular issue.
     I remembered the young, eager talent I was working in corporate industrials, entertaining people from across the country who had come together to celebrate their successes of the year. Here I was on the other side, helping my clients shine- they are the stars now, and I relish being able to call upon my years of experience to help them reach their team members and help raise the bar of excellence.
     Ahhh, you CAN go "home" again- but you find that home is not true home, but a delicious memory. What was familiar is now simply nostalgic.  What you thought you knew is transformed, and what you remember is a dream.  But I cherish business trips like this, which took me to the Anatole for a week so that now I have new memories.  Thanks, Jake the Steer! You made quite an impression!